It’s not okay to use a word that describes someone’s identity as a put-down.
How would you feel if who you are was used an insult?
I know you don’t mean any harm when you say “that’s so gay,” but that expression is offensive to a lot of people, so please don’t use it.
It’s perfectly fine to use gay when referring to gay people, but not acceptable as a way to describe something silly or stupid.
Regardless of how it is intended, using gay to describe something negative reflects a long history of prejudice against LGBT people, so please don’t use it in that way
There are so many different ways to say what you mean that are not insulting to others. Be imaginative and say something original.
We have all been on the receiving end of an insult and felt it sting, so why not put some effort into avoiding language that hurts others?
“Everyone” doesn’t say “that’s so gay.” I don’t say it, and if you care about others’ feelings you won’t say it either.
Just because a lot of people say “that’s so gay” doesn’t make it any less hurtful. You can be an example to others by removing this expression from your vocabulary.
It’s not fair to use clichés about “political correctness” as an excuse for disrupting others. Why say “that’s so gay” if you are aware that it is offensive to so many people?
If you mean, “that’s so stupid,” why don’t you just say “that’s so stupid”? (suggestion from Austin, Age 15, CA)
It Gets Better Project
Many LGBT youth can't picture what their lives might be like as openly gay adults. They can't imagine a future for themselves. The goal of the It Gets Better project is to show them what the future may hold in store for them.
88.9% of LGBT students heard “gay” used in a negative way (e.g., “that’s so gay) frequently or often at school, and 86.5% reported that they felt distressed to some degree by this language.
72.4% of LGBT students heard other homophobic remarks (e.g., “dyke” or “faggot”) frequently or often at school.
84.6% of LGBT students were verbally harassed at school because of their sexual orientation and 63.7% because of their gender expression.
When and How to Respond From Zero Indifference: a How-to Guide for Ending Name-Calling in Schools
(These steps are applicable in all kinds of name-calling incidents)
What not to do: 1. Ignore the incident
2. Excuse it
3. Allow yourself to become immobilized by fear or uncertainty
Effective interventions have two steps: 1. Stop the behavior (immediately).
2. Educate those involved (publicly, on the spot, or later, in private).
The factors that influence how and when you respond are:
The needs of the targeted student.
How much time is available at the time of the incident.
The location of the incident — whether it occurred in an unstructured setting, such as the hallway or cafeteria, or in a structured setting, such as a classroom, where you may have the time and support to address the incident.
The age of the involved students and possible intent of the harassing student(s).
Your knowledge of the facts, such as the relationship between the involved students and their prior history— whether this is an isolated incident or part of a pattern of behavior.
What to do about "That's so gay" and students' reluctance to admit that it (and other anti-gay slurs) actually mean something
The chart below suggests a strategy for dealing, not only with one of the often-used expressions in schools, but with any instance in which students respond to your intervention by saying, “We don’t mean anything by that,” “It’s just a word we use,” or “Everyone says it.” The responses listed below include the benefits and challenges of each question.
Responses
Benefits
Challenges
"What do you mean by that?"
Doesn't dismiss it
Students might not be forthcoming
"How do you think a gay person might feel?"
Puts responsibility on student to come up with a solution
Student may not say anything
"Do you say that as a compliment?"
Asking this rhetorical question in a non-accusatory tone may lighten things enough for your students to shake their heads and admit, "No."
Students may just laugh it off your question, or reiterate that they're "just joking."
"So the connotations are negative?" or "So maybe it's not a good thing?"
Not accusatory. Could open up the floor for discussion.
There's always the chance that students will be reluctant to speak up
(c)GLSEN
My gay friends don’t care if I say “that’s so gay.” While your friends may not mind, they don’t speak for all GLBT people, and there are many who are uncomfortable with that language. Just because your friends know you mean no harm, it doesn’t mean everyone else within earshot knows that. When you’re in a public space, you need to refrain from language that is insulting or hurtful to others.
10 Ways to Respond to "That's so gay."
(c) GLSEN
Additional resources:
GLSEN: Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education NetworkDay of Silence
Local School Climate Survey
ThinkB4YouSpeak (including the Educator's Guide)
It Gets Better Project
Many LGBT youth can't picture what their lives might be like as openly gay adults. They can't imagine a future for themselves. The goal of the It Gets Better project is to show them what the future may hold in store for them.
No Name-Calling Week
AllyWeek
Safe Schools Coalition
Teaching Tolerance
Why to respond:
According to GLSEN’s 2009 School Climate Survey:
When and How to Respond
From Zero Indifference: a How-to Guide for Ending Name-Calling in Schools
(These steps are applicable in all kinds of name-calling incidents)
What not to do:
1. Ignore the incident
2. Excuse it
3. Allow yourself to become immobilized by fear or uncertainty
Effective interventions have two steps:
1. Stop the behavior (immediately).
2. Educate those involved (publicly, on the spot, or later, in private).
The factors that influence how and when you respond are:
What to do about "That's so gay" and students' reluctance to admit that it (and other anti-gay slurs) actually mean something
The chart below suggests a strategy for dealing, not only with one of the often-used expressions in schools, but with any instance in which students respond to your intervention by saying, “We don’t mean anything by that,” “It’s just a word we use,” or “Everyone says it.” The responses listed below include the benefits and challenges of each question.
Responses
Benefits
(c)GLSEN
My gay friends don’t care if I say “that’s so gay.”
While your friends may not mind, they don’t speak for all GLBT people, and there are many who are uncomfortable with that language. Just because your friends know you mean no harm, it doesn’t mean everyone else within earshot knows that. When you’re in a public space, you need to refrain from language that is insulting or hurtful to others.
(c) GLSEN